


Lex Luthor's Journal

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-29
Updated: 2004-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-05 15:53:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12797697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: A journal based fic (Lex Luthor). Contains Spoilers.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

A journal of my work and current affairs in a little town called Smallville.

 

'Life is a stage and we are mere actors.'

 

At the request of readers I undertook to write an Introduction to the present work, and in persuance of this design I find that I have come into a somewhat closer personal relation with the journal. In it's progress it will pass entirely under my revision, and although not absolutely responsible for the contents and arrangement, I will as requested, exercise a free hand both in excluding and in adding matter according to my judgement of what is best adapted to the purposes of the original creator. It may happen, that many who have learned to delight in some particular entry will find less amusement in the others. Nor should it be a matter of surprise, if some entry be overlooked, especially the ones in the past. It may happen also, that the writer, in consequence with some particular association, has been sensible of a beauty and a power of awakening emotions and recalling images in certain entries which other readers fail to perceive. It should be considered, moreover, that in writing, as in painting, different artists have different modes of presenting their conceptions, each of which may possess its peculiar merit, yet those whose taste is formed by contemplating the productions of one class take little pleasure in any other. It is to be hoped that every reader of the journal, will find in the great variety of its contents something conformable to his taste. 

 

It is not necessary to give a reason for adding another journal in this nature. They abound in every language, in every area, in every place, for the simple reason that there is a demand for them. I have known persons who frankly said they took no pleasure in reading, and perhaps the number of those who make this admission would be greater were it not for the fear of appearing singular. But to the great mass of mankind, this is really a delight and a refreshment. To many, perhaps to most, it is not requisite that it should be of the highest degree of merit. Nor, although it be true that the writings which are famous and most highly prized are works of considerable length, can it be said that the pleasure they give is in any degree proportionate to the extent of their plan. It seems to me that it is only of writings in a moderate length, that produce the effect upon the mind and heart which makes the charm of this kind of writing. The proper office of the journal, in filling the mind with delightful images and awakening the gentler emotions, is not accomplished on a first and rapid perusal, but requires that the words should be dwelt upon until they become in a certain sense your own, and are adopted as the utterance of your own mind. 

 

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Lex Luthor Journal located at: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lex_luthorcorp/


	2. Journal Entry 1

Luthor Corp Fertilizer Plant No. 3, Smallville. 

07:07pm 

mood: predatory

 

Lionel Luthor has once again proven to be the best at what he does - getting rid of unnecessary setbacks - this time in the form of his only son - me.

 

'You're never going to get anywhere with your eyes closed'. 

 

And I hardly do now. Everytime I close my eyes, I am brought back to the day I was given a second chance at this life. I find it to be a nightmare. And it is.

 

And so I arrived this morning, here in Smallville - a town I never wanted to step foot into again. Not since my first visit. Not since the incident with the fallen meteors. Not since I lost every single strand of hair on my head.

 

As a Luthor, I am not privileged enough to say this - but - this is by far the worse day of my life.

 

\----------

 

Riverbank, Smallville.

03:50am 

mood: amused

 

'Come on! Don't die on me!'

 

I could have sworn I hit him - this young man who saved me.

 

I was facing death - staring at it - for the second time in my life and this teenage boy managed to pull me back from the cold grip of darkness - emptiness - loneliness.

 

Lionel Luthor could not have picked a better time to give his beloved son a call from Metropolis. I am now torn between either cursing him or sending him a Thank You note.

 

If it hadn't been for his impeccable timing as always - I would not have careened off the bridge - I would not have been given the kiss of life - I would not have met Clark Kent. 

 

He is indeed an extraordinary boy and I meant every word I said to Jonathan Kent that afternoon - I doubt he had liked hearing it from me though. The look he gave in return could have turned the average Tom, Dick or Harry into mumbling incoherant apologies - but alas I am a Luthor. 

 

'Luthors are not afraid. We don't have that luxury.'

 

Thanks for the reminder, Dad.

 

\----------

 

Lex Luthor's Journal located at: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lex_luthorcorp/


	3. Journal Entry 2

Luthor Manor, Smallville.

04:03am 

mood: impressed

 

'Dear Clark. Drive safely. Always in your debt. A maniac in a Porsche.'

 

I got him a truck. It was the least I could do. 

 

I was wrong.

 

He came by this evening as I was fencing. I was a little surprised that he had managed to find his way through - to me.

 

The sword I had thrown in anger had been embedded in the wall by his head - not by purpose. He had been shocked. At the time, I hardly noticed. It wasn't as if anything could hurt him.

 

But now, I'm thinking - why not?

 

And I can't answer that question because I don't know or simply because - I just know.

 

Clark had come by to return my gift - I was disappointed - but he gave me something in return. It wasn't anything Luthor money could buy - although my father would beg to differ.

 

And for the first time in my life, I was brutally honest with my feelings. 

 

'We have a future, Clark. And I don't want anything to stand in the way of our friendship.'

 

He didn't say a word - didn't have to. I already knew.

 

In silence he had offered me his friendship. In retribution I had given him mine.

 

\----------

 

Cornfield, Smallville 

08:17pm 

mood: restless

 

Just go by. Take a little walk across the cornfield and just pass it by. See for yourself if there's a man roped across a cross tonight. You don't have to get up, close and personal. 

 

What the hell do you think is going to happen? 

 

I felt angry with myself. It was a thing of the past, really.

 

Yes, go there. You ought to. You ought to face your fears. 

 

And there is nothing wrong with wanting to find out - who knows, maybe it would be like a welcome call.

 

But these were merely games I played with my mind. The man wasn't around anymore. It had been years ago. 

 

No, I'd be going out of curiosity - that should be fine.

 

I should go. I should go even if I loathe everything about this small town. 

 

Just go over there. Make the move. Maybe it is some silent memorial to that man. Don't try to put it all together. Talk of devils as a child still echoing in my ears after all this time!

 

'Once you've seen the man, you're done for.'

 

I made up my mind. I put on my black coat, adjusted my collar and white shirt front, and went out of the air-conditioned Jaguar onto the hot narrow road at the side of the cornfield. 

 

I saw the past if I saw anything at all as I made my way fast through the fields. And then within minutes, I'd entered another world. The light from the moon was gone, and with that the dust and the din of the passing vehicles. No debilitating heat here. No drowsing scent of burnt corns and fallen debris. 

 

I remember reading a book a while back where a young priest had said, "You start out fine, and then your clothes just get heavier and heavier." I had to laugh at that.

 

I walked on until I couldn't see anything else but the plantation growing around me. Like a jungle, wild and unkempt - I was surrounded. 

 

I slowed my pace. I slowed because I really didn't want to get there. I didn't want to see him there. I didn't even want to be in this still, deserted field. Nothing stirred here but the insects, the birds, the plants themselves slowly swallowing up the light and the midnight blue of the sky. Like a breeding place of evil.

 

But I was out of hand with these thoughts. What had evil to do with God's earth, and the things that grew in it?

 

Yet I couldn't help but think of all the stories I had heard about Smallville. Yes, there was something strange about this town. I could feel it.

 

Then I heard the voice. A whisper at first - getting louder and louder soon after. I heard his voice just as clearly now as I heard it more than a decade ago. And I heard my own footsteps, too, as I ran from the voice, ran from him, ran from my failure to help him as a child. But no, now I was running towards the voice, running towards him, running towards a voice so familiar I ached to find out who it was.

 

I found him quickly enough. I was both relieved and disappointed. I felt surprise, then anger.

 

I had been unable to protect him - but this time I was able to save him.

 

Clark - it is as if he holds the key to my past - yet knows nothing about it.

 

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Lex Luthor's Journal located at: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lex_luthorcorp/


	4. Journal Entry 3

The Beanery, Smallville.

09:09pm 

mood: working

 

Clark Kent. Lana Lang. Clark Kent. Lana Lang. 

 

Clark Kent. Lex Luthor. Same initials. Not the same person. That's too bad. 

 

I watched in fascination, listening to their idle chat - they spoke of cheerleeding, of football, of quitting cheerleeding, of quitting football - and soon began to wonder why in hell's name I was paying attention to any of it in the first place.

 

Minutes passed and I was slowly losing interest. 

 

"Lex!"

 

Looking up, I noticed Clark finally making his way towards me and I smiled. 

 

We ended up in deep conversation - about Lana Lang. As I spoke of other matters, I noted the fact that he couldn't keep his eyes away from her - staring or rather lusting after the young beauty at every available opportunity - which was one too many - and oblivious to certain matters that needed to be discussed. 

 

"Like what you see Clark?"

 

I figured it to be an innocent question - though the trademark smirk I wore was a different matter altogether. 

 

Clark ended up blushing a deep crimson red - which made matters worse - I was already feeling slightly constricted - though I won't make a note as to where exactly - at this point, I would much rather avoid thinking about it.

 

Blinking once, then twice, he mumbled out an apology before taking a long and slow sip from the steaming cup of coffee he held in his hands - doing so purposefully to hide the fact that he was still red in the face - I noticed. 

 

"So what was it that you were saying again? I didn't quite catch it."

 

I was slightly disappointed - but did not show it. Instead I surprised myself with the following sentence - "Well I'm in love with you and you shouldn't look at Lana that way." - go figure.

 

I thought it sounded casual enough - he didn't seem to think so. I gave out a short laugh, indicating that it was a joke - still, it didn't work. The look of shock was obviously prominent on his sharp features - I inwardly cringed, giving out an apologetic smile. 

 

"Relax Clark. Luthor's don't bite."

 

Right. I made a mental note to later brush up on my dead-pan humor. 

 

I then proceeded to inform him that I would be needing more produce than usual from the great Kent farm in the next couple of months or so and was wondering whether he could help convey the message to his father on my behalf. 

 

"I have some matters to settle in Metropolis and won't be back in Smallville for quite some time," I continued, while deftly rearranging my worksheets back into place, gathering the last minute reports that had to be handed up. "Of course it's likely that I'll be mixing business with a bit of pleasure - Victoria's in town again."

 

"Oh, that's...nice." 

 

It wasn't the reaction I was hoping for - but it was good enough. 

 

Clark took a biscotti on the plate in front of him - breaking it into two halves and offering a piece to me. I shook my head. "So when will you be back?"

 

"I'm not too sure, Clark. Could be a while," I answered, grabbing my jacket from the next seat. 

 

I needed to get away from him - I needed to get some distance between us - I couldn't afford to start obsessing over a small town farmboy - and at this point I was close to the borderline of doing just that.

 

I left for Metropolis early that afternoon.

 

Later in the evening, I got a call from the Luthor Manor - Clark had dropped by to see me off.

 

Now all I can think of is - if only I hadn't left. 

 

Leaving Smallville had solved nothing - it had changed nothing. 

 

It doesn't matter though. I'll be back soon enough.

 

\----------

 

Lex Luthor's Journal located at: http://www.livejournal.com/users/lex_luthorcorp/


End file.
